That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
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