this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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