Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
