I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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