Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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