i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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