John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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