Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
