i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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