By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Randomize
