i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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