weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
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