I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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