While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I queefed so loud it echoed.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I'm too high and old for this...
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
