I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
