The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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