i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
