you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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