the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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