My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
