i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
