Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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