The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
