my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Randomize
