Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
