Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Randomize
