did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
