we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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