He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
