once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
