I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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