why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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