Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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