Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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