OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
i just made my gag reflex go away.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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