you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Come share oat with me in your robe
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
