Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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