she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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