where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Define "chronic" masturbator.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize