i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
