im drinking this country out of the recession.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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