we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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