Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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