How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
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