Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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