I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
