I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
love makes seman taste better
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize