am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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