I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
