I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
