My brain says no but my pants say off.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
