I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Randomize
