I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
