you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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