The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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