You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
