guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
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