First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Randomize
