What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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