woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Text me some of your sweat
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
