I skipped work to stalk him.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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