So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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