oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
