Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
