dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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