Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
