Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Randomize
