You work out of a Hotel?
My Higher Power is John Stamos
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
