You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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