Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
