I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
