This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
