The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I know her cup size but not her name....
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