do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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