Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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