i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
