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At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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