At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I'm sobbing to NWA
Randomize
