I accidentally had phone sex last night
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
