Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
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