I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
