My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
