the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
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