You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
