Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
