he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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