Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
