They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
