I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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