Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
