I think I died a long time ago.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
This is the high leading the old right now
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
