I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
