Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Are we still banned from the library?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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