let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
