I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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