hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
