70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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