Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
