don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
