Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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