he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
You took a bar mat shot.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
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