why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
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