hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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