The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Watching her eat just hurts me
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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